What Have I Done.............

What should I feel, All that's happening is my my own responsibility, I just watched a video saying that we don't have control over Situations or on the outcome. I wish it was all just a dream, I  want someone someone to slap me in my face and wake me up.
Why is it that every time someone's hurt, I am at fault,
Why is it that all the time I have to say sorry,
But when i get hurt, I never mention it,
When I am in pain, Suffering, no one comes to me,
When the words deeply scar my self-esteem,
When I am about to breakdown,
Nobody cares, Nobody even knows that
 deep down on the inside I am crying
Nobody knows I'm hurt,
Why don't people try to understand
That I also am a Human being ?
That I have the same emotions as they do?
That I also have just the same amount of feelings ?
Why is it That every time I have to say sorry
Why am I the only one Guilty,
I admit that sometimes It really is my Fault,
that in the past i did have some wrong intentions,
And I'm really sorry for that,
But nowadays, it has become more of a routine,
Without even knowing What I did I just say sorry,
People say that those who say sorry,
value their relation more than they value their EGO,
Then Why am I the only one saying sorry,
Why is it that it is only me who's afraid to loose the other person,
I have always cared about what others think and feel,
For the most I lived my life according to
What the society, What the people in it Accept,
Why is it that I am the only one who's
Not willing to hurt anyone, because
Knowingly or Unknowingly, People have Hurt me,
Some very badly, as if I'm only a tool to be used and thrown away,
People always notice the change in me,
But they never think that they caused it.
People see me as a very bad person,
a liar, a traitor,one who only betrays,
I see myself as a criminal, one who Has hurt people very deeply (not physically),
A person who doesn't Deserve to be alive.
Why am I the only one saying sorry,
Why do I feel that every other person,
That every one else is more important than myself ?
Why do I forget that I am Unique
Why can't I take care of myself ?
People say that I don't think before saying anything
I don't believe in it as I always think,
In fact, I think more than a normal person does,
I overthink little things,
And that has caused a lot of problems in my life.
But still, even after so much of thinking ,
Why am I the only one saying sorry ?
My friends say
" Why do you pretend to be someone ELSE,
Someone you're NOT
Why are you NOT GENUINE ?"
I admit that I hate myself for being unable to control  myself properly,
I never had any intention to hurt anyone.
Still..... People are hurt because of me,
Some even cried, in pain, suffering,
To every person I've ever hurt,
I'm so SORRY.

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